Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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