you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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