White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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