i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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