Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
