So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
