Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
