In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
