Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
