i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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