singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize