OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
