Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
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