as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
