He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
