anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
