I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
