It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
