Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You smell like stripper and shame
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize