So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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