I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
