we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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