I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
