I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
