My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
