it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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