thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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