he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
