once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
