Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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