Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
