I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize