It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
