Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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