I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
