i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
