what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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