I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
