Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
