Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
