Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
