i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
