I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
