you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
