Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
