Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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