Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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