But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The Olympian is in my bed
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
