i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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