I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize