last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My vagina just recognized that song.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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