I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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