im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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