there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize