My sheets look like a crime scene.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
