the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
