I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
