end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
