Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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