btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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