4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
