I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
