Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
