My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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