Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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