dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize