Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
